Monday, May 9, 2011


A photo of my dad sits on the fireplace mantle in our family room. Its black and white image reflects a man in his early thirties. Dark shades of coolness cover his wandering, hungry eyes. I was young when this picture was taken, maybe twelve or thirteen or so. I remember too well, those days, and many after that, the longing in my heart, for my father's attention, for his unconditional affection, most of which he spent on life's fleeting amusements and unattainable diversions.

These stole his heart from me.

As a young woman, I learned to despise the things that ripped me off. I learned to despise him. A hardened heart full of broken rotted the depths of my soul. I suffered deep and long in the bleeding sin pit, fourteen plus years of estrangement and torture, imprisoned by the devil himself.

I was 36 when God stepped in to reveal His masterpiece.

Two hearts prepared over decades of fire's refinement work shone bright reflections of mercy gentle, abounding grace poured out. A new love longing to recover molten damage of wicked wreckage, now past.

The hole in my gut, eaten away by cancer hate, at once dissolved, God-surgery performed.

Shiny new metal now frames his distant look, so far away, unknowing of his limited days. God creature, of dust, written in the Lamb's book of life, Sovereign destiny before he was born. I smile deep as my eyes fix on His victory, the prize of love conquers all; God's trophy, I cherish, so much more than a man, it rests upon the mantle of my heart. It's placard speaks rich words of unfailing love, reconciled forevermore.

We were given little over a year, just enough to redeem the time lost in fallen ways, enough time to learn to believe. What joy was made complete that day, yet saved for father's last year, the unveiling of true love for daughter etched real on my heart, never to be stolen again, written by God.

So, daily I honor this divine award, God finished, bitter sweet adored, of a father who saw through layers of pointless deeds, the superficial markers of an empty world.

I love you so much and I miss you.
I will see you soon.
Your daughter


I believe in the God of miracles, I've seen Him with my very own eyes; I've felt Him move inside me, I have sensed His eye from above. I believe in the God of new mercies, each day He wraps me in grace, He leads me beside stillness of waters, His Son forever sits beside me.

The LORD says, "I will give you back what you lost to the swarming locusts, the hopping locusts, the stripping locusts, and the cutting locusts. It was I who sent this great destroying army against you." Joel 2:25

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