AFFECTED and INFECTED

I have to wonder,
 

as I shrug off stale, bitter attitudes, convincing little white lies and loose excuses, covering my eyes to things that root deep, that, almost invisible, masquerade as amiable justifications,

what causes this dulling lack of awareness to my own true spiritual condition?




I wonder long.


Yes, there are obvious reasons (excuses) for sure. I'm not the same person I used to be and sometimes my thoughts hover over blatant distractions that tend to feed my blind destructive pride.


I'm living much better than these.


Wicked murderers
Adulterous politicians
Vial music lyrics
And celebrity addictions
Unrestrained morals
Obscene media graphics


God haters.




Their status stands out like an infected sore thumb, (or worse), in my peaceful Philippians 4:8 Christian world.

"All who fear the LORD is to hate evil; I hate pride and arrogance, evil behavior and perverse speech." Proverbs 8:13 nlt.

Today, I ventured out to the place where I get my fitness fix. With cold water bottle, Pandora and headphones in tow, I found myself impulsively distracted.


Eyes gaze up, taking quick inventory of each TV screen as I step onto the machine that plans to wipe me out in ten minutes flat. 6 "talk boxes" side by side, showing 6 separate illicit scenes of the world's harsh reality living out loud, invade my steadfast thoughts with enormous power.


I immediately fix on the young woman, mouthing words of perverted disillusion, moving careless with face all made up, she steps out shamelessly, led by her buyers, as she now leads the crowd.


I shift to the leader, one of past social esteem, who has given up his wife, lost in a Hollywood dream.


The next picture tells of captured killers and drugs; though many claim victory, victims suffer in his sludge.


I see culture celebrities on lofty pedestals,
glorified athletes,
idolized movie stars.


Even acting addicts behind bars.


What has it come to, have we truly digressed, from choosing high moral virtue, which no longer remains our quest? How is it that what was bad is now called good, and the good who stand upright are misunderstood? I see a world where delete and censorship are more often used for God, then the things we are called to hate--exploitation, murder, and fraud.  I find it quite disturbing, His judgement is someday coming, so much effort to erase His Name, to bash His Son, the Christ, the King, because it's more about technology, cheap fame and "Look at what I've done.."


I wonder...


If the foul sin of the terrorist,
the cheater,
the blasphemous singer,
the led astray activist,
and the convoluted finger


that points to a place where evil is birthed deep, under layers of delusion, hardened hearts and deceit, also points to my own heart where pride seed root may grow, and if left to it's own bad self surely reaps what it sows.



"Then Jesus told this story to some who had great confidence in their own righteousness and scorned everyone else:  “Two men went to the Temple to pray. One was a Pharisee, and the other was a despised tax collector. The Pharisee stood by himself and prayed this prayer: ‘I thank you, God, that I am not a sinner like everyone else. For I don’t cheat, I don’t sin, and I don’t commit adultery. I’m certainly not like that tax collector! I fast twice a week, and I give you a tenth of my income.’" Luke 18:9-12 nlt.

O God, please save me from myself, my pride, the little roots I've permitted to live, I ask that You kill them so that I might know how to holy forgive.

"But the tax collector stood at a distance and dared not even lift his eyes to heaven as he prayed. Instead, he beat his chest in sorrow, saying, ‘O God, be merciful to me, for I am a sinner.’" Luke 18:13 nlt

Help me to pray for the "tax collectors" in the world, help me to pray for myself.

Signed,
a repentant tax collector